White man, Black man, Chinese man were at a church when they notice every one drinking this special water. So after church they stepped to the priest and ask about the water and how could they receive some. The priest replied "the special water is holy water and in order for you to receive it you must commit a sin. I tell you what go home and think about the worst thing you've done and return Sunday and ill give you a drink of the holly water. they return and he asked the white man ..what did you do he said i raped ah girl...Chinese said i robbed a bank..so they got ah drink of the holy water. Then the priest turned to the black man and asked him what did u do? Black man replied......I PISSED IN THE HOLY WATER!
Jcan in hell
BLACK, WHITE AND CHINESE IN HELL
Black guy, white guy, chinese guy..... right. all 3 died at the same time and went to hell. The devil said to them "there is a chance for you to go back to your lives but you must do the unthinkable. Each of you must put your shlong and your balls in my hand then I will burn them with my hell fire." The white guy goes first.He puts his family jewels in the devils hand, it melts, he screams then he disappeared.The chinese guy went next and the same thing happened. Then it was the black guys' turn. he put his mandingo in the devils hand and nothing happened. the devil asked "why isn't it melting?" The black guy said "that's because it melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
ANANCY COMMON SENSE
Once upon a time, Anancy tink to himself seh dat if him coulda collect up all de common-sense ina de worl an keep it fi himself, den him boun to get plenty money an plenty powah, for everybody woulda haffi come to him wid dem worries an him woulda charge dem very dear wen him advise them.
Anacy start fi collect up and collect up all de common-sense him could a fine an put dem inna one big-bag calabash. When him search an search an couldn't fine no more common-sense Anacy decide fi hide him calabash full a common-sense pon de top of a high-high tree which part nobody coulda reach it.
So Anancy tie a rope round de neck a de calabash an tie de two end a de rope togedda, an tie de rope roun him neck so dat de calabash wasa res pon him belly. Anancy start fi climb up de high-high tree, which part him was gwine hide de calabash, but him couldn't climb too good nor too fas for de calabash wasa get in him way everytime him try fi climb.
Anancy try an try so till all of a sudden him hear a voice buss out a laugh backa him, an wen him look him see a lickle bwoy a stan up a de tree root an a laugh an halla seh, "What a fool-fool man! If yuh want to climb a tree front ways, why yuh don't put de calabash behine yuh?"
Well sah, Anancy soh bext fi hear dat big piece a common-sense come outa de mout a such a lickle bit a bwoy afta him did tink dat him collect all de common-sense in de worl, dat Anancy grab off de calabash from roun him neck an fling it dung a tree root, an de calabash bruck up in minces an de common-sense dem scatter out ina de breeze all ovah de worl an everybody get a lickle bit a common-sense.
Is Anancy mek it.
Jack Mandora, me nuh choose none.
Anancy and Rata
ANANCY AND RATTA
Once upon a time, Bredda Ratta was a very facety and highfalutin fella. Him use to dress up himself ina de lates style an fashion an show off himself an gwan like sey him did better dan everybody else.
So Bredda Anancy meck up him mine fi cut dung Bredda Rat to size. An Bredda Nancy tink up him brain an tink up him brain how him gwine manage fi ketch Bredda Rat an lowrate him, an den baps, Bredda Nancy memba sey dat Bredda Rat love dance so till no more no lef. Every drum knock Ratta de deh a cut figure. De one ting Bredda Ratta couldn’t resist was music.
So den Nancy gi out seh dat him gwine meck a big dance, an him invite Bredda Ratta to de ball.
Anancy shine up him dance floor shine an slippery like glass.
Anancy was a fiddler at de dance, an as Bredda Rata walks into de dance hall so Anancy start play sweet tune pon de fiddle an sing seh,
Ying de ying de ying, Ying de ying de ying,
Teck care yuh go talk oh!
Mine yuh taller-tongue, ying de ying,
Mine yuh taller-tongue, ying de ying,
Mine yuh taller-tongue, yng de ying.
Wen de music sweet Bredda Ratta so him start to wheel an tun jump an prance an cut capoose all ovah de dance floor in such a way dat everybody stop dance fi watch Bredda Ratta jiggins, an dem start praise up Bredda Ratta how him dance pretty, an Bredda Ratta dance fi de betta.
Bredda Nancy laugh to himself fi see how him plan a work good, an den him slide him fiddle ina anada sweeter tune seh,
Bandy-wich-wich, Bandy-wich-wich bandy-wich-wich wich
Tumber heng an fall, la, la
Fall la, la, fall la!
An Bredda Ratta cut figure an cut figure so tell him slide pon de shine floor an fall dung an him trousiz pap! Everybody buss out laugh afta Ratta. Lawks, Ratta shame, him shame, him shame so tell him run ina one hole go hide.
An from dat day till teday Ratta live ina hole.
Is Anancy mek it.
Jack Mandara, me noh choose none.
Three Americans and three Jamaicans are traveling by an AMTRAK train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy a ticket and watch as the three Jamaicans buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American.
"Watch the ride my yute!" answers a Jamaican.
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Jamaicans cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Jamaicans on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Jamaicans don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my yute!!" says a Jamaican.
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Jamaicans cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Jamaicans leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
JAMAICAN LOVE POEM
You're the ackee in my saltfish
Condensed milk in my tea
The patty in my coco bread
Without you there is no me.
Just like coconut water
You're good for my heart
And Mr.Wray without his nephew
Is like when we are apart.
When you wrap your arms around me
Like banana leaf on blue draaws
There is nothing I wouldnt do for you
You know that im all yours.
I want to be with you always
Like when tin milk get short
An dem marry it with it to de mackerel
to make sure de mackerel get bought.
Like carrot juice on Sunday
Mango in the summertime
I cant get enough of you
Please tell me you will be mine
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